Who are You, let alone, Who are They?

High School can be a difficult time, because it coincides with a lot of different changes. Not only do bodies undergo changes but also how we think and act can switch drastically. For the most part children accept what their parents and teachers say as the truth and don’t feel the need to question things as much. Upon reaching teenager hood and High School, things begin to change. Our focus goes from parents and home, to friends and social life. So we must develop our own thoughts and style. (See The Five Love Languages of Teenagers, Dr. Gary Chapman)
High School is a time to try things. We try styles of clothes, speech, walk, pretty much anything can have a style, and we feel driven to find one that works for us. But also, and perhaps more importantly we begin to discover how we want to appear to other people, how we want to behave, and how we want people to act towards us.
Everybody wants to be popular, and of itself popularity is fine. We just have to be able to figure out what cost we are willing to pay to be popular. Flirts and players, are commonly “popular” but they are so at the cost of other people, and really themselves too. The flirting mentality generally comes from insecurity and the assumption that it’s the only way to get people to notice you. It does get you noticed, and can some times get you popular. But, it generally isn’t a very happy way of life. Once you are labeled as a “flirt” or “player” it is hard to break the name.
So, how can we be popular without the side effects? Well, it’s difficult and takes work. But it’s worth it. We can actually get a good base from the Bible. “Love your neighbor as your self” Is a pretty obvious way to have people like you. If you are continually treating others as below you, you drive them away and it is difficult to form friendships in that manner. Another idea is that of not bearing false witness. Nobody likes to hang out with a person who is continually lying to them or cheating on them.
High School is where you start figuring out who you want to be. So, being in a relationship where you are trying to figure out who the other person is can be very hard. Just like you, they are still trying to find a style that fits. Perhaps the best way to enjoy relationships is to be nice. It is hard not to like someone who is honest with you, kind to you, and doesn’t gloat about it, but is humble.
This approach in high school, often does not come across as cool. And it may not lead you to being hugely popular either. But, people appreciate it, and trust you whether they can admit at the time or not. By you taking the time to be decent and caring to those around you, you help people get over the mentality of being “cool” for the sake of themselves, and change to being kind for the sake of someone else.
In the survey I took of the students attending The Academy of the New Church, over 50% were afraid of being dumped. How much would that change if they felt they could trust everyone more? If you are a couple with someone you can trust not to hurt you, it is far easier to be friends. There is also the possibility that if it is necessary to break off it will be easier to remain friends and to move on after the relationship. You may find that a relationship with a person who is cool, suave and has all the upcoming styles is not as desirable as one with someone who you can trust and who you know you can turn to.